"A Preface"

In the twelfth century, the infamous rogue knight Reynald de Chatillon terrorized the Christians of Cyprus, and spent seventeen years in prison for his success.

After his prison stint --- not a man to be kept down --- Reynald broke a truce between King Baldwin and King Saludin by raiding an opulent caravan on its way to Mecca. And soon enough, within a few years, Reynald de Chatillon became the man Arabs loved to hate.

Reynald's pirate raids against merchant ships, pilgrims and ports became legendary. The Moslems were appalled --- the lowdon being, Reynald would soon strike Mecca itself and abscond with the body of the Prophet and therefore force Moslem pilgrimages into Frankish territory!

A few years later, at the Horns of Hattin, near Tiberius, the relatively just and benevolent King Saludin took Reynald prisoner. After a stroll and bit of deliberation, the king returned to his tent where Reynald was being held. And here, in the king's tent, King Saludin personally sliced off Reynald's head --- hence ending the illustrious career of Reynaldo de Chatillon.

Backtrack now, in the life of Reynald --- a few years before his Cyprus days and about thirty years before his decapitation.

Reynald was a ladies man and used his skills of amour to great advantage. Not content to remain a common knight, Reynald had boosted his stature enormously --- to the chagrin of the royal clique --- through his controversial marriage to the puissant and recently widowed twenty eight year old Priness Regnant of Antioch.

Reynald used his newfound clout famously. When the Patriarch of Aimery refused to finance an attack of Cyprus, Reynald arrested him. Reynald then smeared the Patriarch's bald head with honey, set him in the sun and transformed him into a human fly trap.

Eventually the Patriarch saw things differently, agreed to Reynald's demands. And in 1156, Reynald de Chatillon sailed off to Cyprus --- financially blessed through the wisdom and beneficence of the Church.

According to William of Tyre, Reynald had the time of his life on Cyprus.

William writes: He then overran the island without meeting any opposition, destroyed cities and wrecked fortresses. He broke into monasteries of both men and women alike and shamefully abused nuns and tender maidens. Although the precious vestments and the amount of gold and silver which he carried off were great, yet the loss of these was regarded as nothing in comparison with the violence done to chastity.

Reynald was equally fair to the priests --- had their noses cut off.

Now move forward about nine hundred twenty eight years. Life is good --- to some. GG Allin gives the world his seminal masterwerks Eat My Fuc (1984) and You'll Never Tame Me (1985). Uh, by having this included in this preface to "The Absurdist", does this imply there's a connection of some sort, real or imagined, between GG Allin and Reynald de Chatillon? Shit piss tripe! Course not --- no known relationship exists between the two. Z.A., the real author of "The Absurdist" hates GG Allin while Mr. Jones likes GG far better than Bach or John Coltrane or even Darkthrone! Well, maybe not Darkthrone, but almost.

So what? What's the fucking point of all this?

None.

Reynald de Chatillon was an aggrandizing self-promoting swine and GG Allin, a twentieth century anti-star therefore star.

And that's about it.

This preface should be trashed. Forget you ever read it, unless "useless information" (to quote the Stones) is, uh, useful... somehow.

What you've read has no bearing on what is to follow whatsoever and its raison d'etre is zero.

 

 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Robinson, John J.

   Dungeon, Fire and Sword: The Knights Templar In The Crusades

     New York; 1991

Jones, Terry and Ereira, Alan

   Crusades

     New York; 1995

And a very very special thanks to:

   GG Allin (rip)

     No, please, GG --- don't ever ever fucking rest in peace. Viva GG Allin!